Serial liars do it because they can

Little Bookman is a liar and everyone knows it.

But no one calls him on it.

Take today for instance: Tuesday is usually my peace day in Wonderland because Bookman ain't here. So, imagine my disgust when I walked in and there it was.
Not so awesome sauce!

Anyway, I clock in get ready to start my day —or start reading the new Beverly Jenkins book, to be honest—and my manager asks me if I'm taking a day off this week.

*Blank stare*

Why not ask me if I'm going drink coffee today? WTF? He goes on to say that Little Bookman was under the impression that we were going to alternate days off. 

If that were the case, why would I be here now, was my initial thought. Then I remembered something: Little Bookman and I used to have the same day off before everyone else jumped ship. We, in front of the manager, said I'd be off on Wednesdays and Buffalo Butt would take Tuesdays. This alternating crap is something this mother. . . .must have dreamed up while eating a bucket of chicken and drooling.

Allegedly, there is a house closing this week. And here's the thing, had you asked if we could switch days, I might have agreed.

OK, total honest, hell no I wouldn't have. But at least I would've known what kind of bullshit that was coming up this morning. I mean, seriously, you lie like the dirty under the rug and no one calls you on it.

Until today. I told the manager, we never agreed to anything like that and hell yes, I'm taking my day off —because I have a job interview.

*Drops the mic, logs on to Careerbuilder.com.*

When the wife shows up . . .Creepy coworker STFU

Here at Wonderland, we work with an outside company for some of our jobs.
There is always one dude with this company that's just creepy. You can ignore it because you don't see them everyday.

But every time you see him, he makes some kind of borderline sexual remark. Oh, black looks so good on you.

You're too pretty to be mad.

I pull all the honeys.

Obviously your mirror is showing you something different than what the world sees.
Insert Kanye shrug.

So, the other day I was eating in the cafeteria, because it was free and the way my checking account is set up, I can't turn down a free meal. So, Creep McGee walks in with a woman. Check that, his woman. His wife.

He shot me a look that was like, please, please don't say anything. The old me, the one who liked drama in the work place, would've have said —What do you think of my outfit?

But watching the sweat build on his five finger forehead as I sat that slowly eating my salad and carrot sticks was so much fun.

Then I went to get my drink refill and she was at the drink machine. Nice lady. I spoke to her and told her that the tea here isn't good. Go for the fruit punch. Then I went back to my table and tossed my tray.

He still hasn't said a word. I wish the wife was here everyday!