Serial liars do it because they can

Little Bookman is a liar and everyone knows it.

But no one calls him on it.

Take today for instance: Tuesday is usually my peace day in Wonderland because Bookman ain't here. So, imagine my disgust when I walked in and there it was.
Not so awesome sauce!

Anyway, I clock in get ready to start my day —or start reading the new Beverly Jenkins book, to be honest—and my manager asks me if I'm taking a day off this week.

*Blank stare*

Why not ask me if I'm going drink coffee today? WTF? He goes on to say that Little Bookman was under the impression that we were going to alternate days off. 

If that were the case, why would I be here now, was my initial thought. Then I remembered something: Little Bookman and I used to have the same day off before everyone else jumped ship. We, in front of the manager, said I'd be off on Wednesdays and Buffalo Butt would take Tuesdays. This alternating crap is something this mother. . . .must have dreamed up while eating a bucket of chicken and drooling.

Allegedly, there is a house closing this week. And here's the thing, had you asked if we could switch days, I might have agreed.

OK, total honest, hell no I wouldn't have. But at least I would've known what kind of bullshit that was coming up this morning. I mean, seriously, you lie like the dirty under the rug and no one calls you on it.

Until today. I told the manager, we never agreed to anything like that and hell yes, I'm taking my day off —because I have a job interview.

*Drops the mic, logs on to Careerbuilder.com.*

Lies my coworker told me . . .

Mondays are hard enough with out having to deal with someone's flights of fancy. Well, that's what my day has been like today. Little Bookman started the day with a Quaker Oats bowl full of lies.

Sunday, he said, he was in a motorcycle accident.

But when he walked into Wonderland, 38 minutes late, there wasn't a visible scratch on him. Is he made of teflon?
The story about the accident changed depending on who he told it to — it happened after church. But he had on his riding pants and jacket.
Really? That's how we go to church these days?

In one story, he had to get his pants leg cut off. But there was no damage, yet doctors said he'd have some swelling. But they didn't give him crutches. He was hobbling around on a cane. Moaning with each painful step.

So, where's the pain medicine?

 After all, a jeep pulled out in front of you and crashed your little boy motorcycle and this is the second accident that you've had this month!

As it turns out, he's not taking any pain meds, but he was hurting so badly that he dipped about fifteen minutes after arriving to work. Could it be that the fact that the manager isn't here made his pain worsen.

So, then another coworker comes over and says, did Little Bookman send you a Linkedin profile request.
I nodded.
"Did you look at it?"
"Nope."
"Oh my, it say he's a senior consultant at Wonderland. That he has two engineering degrees and he got them both in four years."
Really?
So, you even lie on your Linkedin profile — as if people aren't going to check! And it you are THAT smart, why are you here?
It's too early in the week to be reading from the book of lies!

So, I've decided to list the lies Little Bookman has been caught in since I started at Wonderland:

1. My mama had a stroke. 
2. I'm married.
3. I'm late (On Martin Luther King Jr. Day) because I had to take my son to school.
4. My girlfriend had a hysterectomy. 
5. I'm closing on a house (this has been used three times).
6. I did security at the Super Bowl.
7. Today is my dad's birthday (twice in one year).
8. My mama had another stroke.
9. We had a lot of people in here last Super Bowl Sunday (Wonderland is thankfully closed on Sundays) 
10. I speak Spanish. (All I've ever heard him say is Si.) 

Scammed at Wonderland

I've been debating telling this story, but every day it gets funnier and funnier.
I can't help it, I got to tell it.
Guess it's the reporter/storyteller in me.

So, pregnant lady comes into Wonderland and Little Bookman waits on her. She purchases a product. Little Bookman, as per usual, doesn't get everything he needs from this woman.

Well, when he gets the items that he needs to finalize the purchase, it turns out that everything --and I mean EVERYTHING --is fraudulent.

Ever read an Eric Jerome Dickey book with the character Arizona in it? Yep, that's just what this chick did in real life.

So, cops have been called and Little Bookman is walking around looking like Boo-Boo the fool.

I know you're wondering why this is funny to me. Well, I'm going to tell you. See, Little Bookman loves to talk about this military intelligence background he has. Um-huh. If he's what the military is using to catch terrorists, no wonder we're losing.

There were several red flags, but Honey Boo Boo Chile ignored them. Why? Because he's an asshole and a liar. That's why he got got!